ii Am Ok

It has been quite a while since I really wrote here. I guess it was the fear of missing out on something while I wrote. I think it was that. I didn't want things to breeze by, I wanted to live it all while she was still here.

Now she is gone though.

I'm not down though. I was the first couple of days, but now I feel different. I think I feel safe. I think that's it. Somehow I can sit down and smile alone. I can browse my future and utter a sigh of relief. Things seem good, even those that were to be travesties are now so simple.

My father wrote me, the day of my birthday, that when he was my age he had felt insecure, lost, and alone. Because of those feelings he had committed various mistakes that would then shape his future, his now. He's ok now though, but there arethings he regrets.

I guess reading that e-mail made me smile somehow. Not to smile at his inconvenience, but to smile at knowing I am not lost, I am not insecure, and I am certainly not alone. I am happy.

                                                           
 Thank you for loving me the way you do.
   
                                                                                                    Love you eternally.

ii See You Everywhere.

i walked out into the garden. i stood alone and looked around me. i felt my gaze move upwards. i saw one small star amongst a sky of clouds. one small star and i saw you. there you were, rushing through my thoughts and making me miss you more than ever.

i see you everywhere.
i see you in everything i do.

i see you in every child i teach. i see you in every movie i watch. i hear you in every song line. i feel you near me as i put on my cologne and i stumble upon yours between mine. i stare at that empty seat next to me as i go anywhere. i see face stare back at me each morning. i feel your happiness complementing mine.
i need you with me.